I just happened across this site while searching for material for a biog I'm writing about the late, great, Richard Whiteley, and I must say that I think you're a bunch of terrible fellows.

And as for you, "Carol", you are an abomination, and your portrayal of the real, saintly Carol Vorderman, frankly demands litigation.

Some observations:

"Nick", or "Nicky": everything about your activities in this forum mark you out as a social inadequate, an habitual practitioner of oninism, the kind of oddball found lurking in the corner of pubs on a Tuesday afternoon, where it takes you 6 hours to drink half a pint of bitter shandy and eat a packet of cheese & onion crisps, skulking off to the toilets every 45 minutes with a dog-eared copy of Closer/Heat Magazine stuffed in the inside pocket of your Regatta anorak. In short, Roy Cropper with issues.

"Mike" or "Mikey": people that suffix their name with a "ey", which screams "please like me, I'm a barrel of fun and definitely not a tawdry K.U.N.T.", make me want to stick scotch bonnets down my jap's eye, but instead I'd rather do that to:

"Geoff": you are, quite obviously a sociopath who spends all of his spare time lurking in chatrooms and message boards, trying to arrange "dates" with strangers whose activities in such forums are to fulfil the same tedious objectives, but whose ability to act is stunted by a craven inability to participate in any social interface except that with your own man/womanhood.

"Carol" - I'll meet you in the ****tail bar at The Grosvenor hotel on Tuesday at 8:00pm. I've booked an en suite room and expect constant fellatio until checkout, which, if memory serves me correctly, is 10:00am. Well, it was last month when I fooked Anne Diamond until an impatient knock and sharp voice warned, "Get the fook out, the Daily Star's here!"

Best,

D

P.S. anyone got any material for It'll be alright on the night 803? I'm Youtubed out.

P.P.S. Mikey - the rash is back. The Urinary Clinic gave me the all clear last time. Text me soon xxx