carol fantasies

Date: Oct 24, 2007

RE: carol fantasies

Date: Oct 25, 2007

My favourite Carol fantasy is where, after we've finished filming Countdown, me and Carol share a bottle of Champagne in my dressing room (it's bigger than Carols and has a second-hand sofa that Channel 4 bought for me from Dr Banardos- I insisted on this when they got me to take over from that soft Lynam bloke), and then sneak back on to the Countdown set. Carol then gives me my daily fake tan rub and wanks me off while I smoke a cuban cigar and enjoy a large single malt, moaning random letters and numbers until I'm in a paraoxysm of ecstacy. Just as I'm about to cum, Carol sticks her thumb up my arse and blows warm breath up my jap's eye. When I shoot my load into Carol's face, the set magically lights up and flashes like it does when one of the contestants gets a nine letter word, and I sink into a self satisfied snooze.

In real life me and Carol can't stand each other and an arctic frost sets in as soon as we finish filming the show. It all started when I playfully put my **** in her hand on the first day of shooting while she wasn't looking- Carol was stunned, but then snapped out of it and slapped me across the face. I said "What's the problem? Nicholas Parsons said the you and Twice Nightly Whitely were at it constantly - I thought it was one of the perks of the job!!" but Carol wasn't amused and told the Missus. We've barely spoken since, so I'm resigned to hate-****ing her in my dreams every night.

By the way folks, Carol gave Lynam crabs and that's why he really left ; )

Date: Oct 25, 2007

Feck off Des, that's a lie and you know it. The real reason why I left was because the producer caught me pi$$ing on her sofa after a heavy session one afternoon after filming.

I can't remember this because I was bladdered, but apparently I slipped into a gin-soaked coma on the producers sofa and, still half-asleep, got up and relieved myelf all over the bleeding thing. The producer was livid, so I decided to quit before any more damage was done and sheepinshly made my excuses and left.

Not sure what they did with the sof, but I heard it ended up in a chaity shop round the corner.

Best regards

Des Lynam

P.S. Carol used to sh*t on Whiteley's chest and he loved it.

Date: Oct 26, 2007

its nick0@hotmail.co.uk can we chat on monday :)

Date: Oct 26, 2007

I don't want to poke my nose in where it's not wanted, Nick, but I must warn you against entering into with that bitch without serious consideration.

I was a regular guest on Countdown during the late 90s/early noughties and once, after wrapping up a week long stint on Dictionary Corner, decided to pop by Carols dressing room and pay my compliments.

I gently knocked on the door. it swung open and I was immediately engulfed in a plume of smoke and the unmistakeable stench of someone that hasn't washed or showered for days, perhaps weeks.

I covered my mouth and nose with one of my garish sweaters in order to protect myself from the overpowering smell, trod forwards and parted the smoke with my hands. Imagine my surprise to find Carol with a crack pipe in her mouth, Eamon Holmes's **** up her arse and a hugely satisfied grin on her face.

Turns out Carol hasn't been paid to appear on Countdown since 1986 when she started fecking up the numbers... instead Channel 4 lets her appear without a fee, and the filthy slut has been making a living by servicing Dictionary Corner guests, the Saintly Dick Whiteley (R.I.P.) and his successors for cash ever since. Oh, and those ghastly adverts she's been doing for Farm Foods.

Carol threatened to go to the screws unless I paid her £3,000 a month which, luckily , i was able to do thanks to the inexplicable commercial success of my dreadful books. I can't complain though, because Carol gives me the best blowjobs since i hooked up with Elton John (I know, I'm an awful name-dropper) was going bonkers on cocaine during the mid-70's.

Anyway, don't get burned Nick!!

Best,

Giles xx

Date: Oct 26, 2007

Carol, hi. Been away for a few days....fancy a chat this weekend? My balls are full to bursting and I need some MSN-luv urgently.

Honestly, my **** is so hard it's twitching as I type.

Luv

Geoff xx

Date: Oct 27, 2007

Hi Geoff baby
You know me I'd luv to empty your balls for you.
The thought of your hard c.o.c.k. has my **** all wet.
I am online now and will be waiting to help you with your c.o.c.k..
Chat soon
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Oct 27, 2007

Cant wait Nick
Mon 8 pm
See ya there

PS What do you want me to wear for out sexu chat?
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Oct 27, 2007

i want u to wear a nice short tight leather skirt crocthless pantiess and a see tro top :)

Date: Oct 27, 2007

I am sitting heIre in my nice slutty tarty skintight leather miniskirt and my 12 inch high heeled thigh high bots and see throgh top and i am waiting for you nicky.
Cum and have a chat baby.
Luv
Carol
xxx

Date: Oct 31, 2007

carol when will u be online (time and day) . i can send u pic's of my throbing **** :)

Date: Oct 31, 2007

I am online right now Nicky.
Oh pls send me some pics baby.
Really horny after todays show.
need a chat
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Oct 31, 2007

ok add me whats ur addy :) nick0@hotmail.co.uk

Date: Oct 31, 2007

Hi Carol, how's it going, we've not chatted for a while, but I got some old videos of you in skintight leather pants out today and now I'm gagging for it. Let me know when you're next free and I'll give you a good rimming.

Luv Geoff xx

Date: Oct 31, 2007

Thurs at 8.30 geoff
Yoou can rimm my ****en slutty ass all you want.
Be ONLINE 8.30 Thurs night
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 1, 2007

I'm here Carol, waiting for some action. Get your leather pants on and w*nk me senseless.

Geoff x

Date: Nov 2, 2007

carol i have got the vid u wanted :)

Date: Nov 2, 2007

Oh great Nicky
i am online now and will be all night
Cant waity to see your vid
Joion me for a chat
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 2, 2007

anyone talking to the slut carol tonight?
I'll be online all night
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 4, 2007

R u online tonight Carol? I'm gagging for it.

Luv Geoff xx

Date: Nov 4, 2007

Oh Hi geoff
will be online for you from 8.30 onwards baby
Cant wait to chat babe
Luv
Carol The Slut
xxx

Date: Nov 4, 2007

Oh I am dying to see the video Nicky
Pls send it to me ay hotmail.
Thanks and all my LUV

CAROL

XXX

Date: Nov 5, 2007

the piont of this thread isn't to arrange dates on msn, its for carol to make a scene of herself like the embarrassing old slapper she is. so carol why dont you stop co.ckteasing and tell me more stories about what a pathetic old trollop you are so i have something to wa.nk to you fat arsed cow

love you lots

mikey x

Date: Nov 6, 2007

Well at last a thread from someone who wants me to be a slut.
Thx Mikey.xxx
I may be old and I am definately a slapper but I am not embaressed about it.
\Far from it Mikey - I LUV IT.
You want a story from the pathetic old trollop?
Well wank over me the fat arsed cow over this one.

Yesterday I was getting dressed for the show when one of the contestants came into my dressing room by mistake.

I had just pulled my tiny micro miniskirt up over my black silk stockings and my susies were clearly visible below my skirt. I had already put on my white see through top and my black leather jacket on and I had my 12 inch black leather slutty tarty hgh heels in my hands and was about to put them on.

Oh I'm sorry he said I'll leave you alone.
Oh No it's quite ok cum on in I said.
I like to get to know the contestants before the show , have a seat while I finnish dressing pls.

Eh Ok he said and sat down.

He was a bit of a hunk and i culd tell by the way he sat down he had a massive **** in his trousers.

I had decided to dress like the old ****teasing slapper I am for the show today just in case .

I wont be a minute I said I just have to put my high heels on.

Oh take all the time you want he said as he got comfortable in my dressing room.

By now all I could see was his massive ****en **** bulging out of his trousers and I was so ****en horny.
I hadn't had a serious ****ing or a **** for ages and I could feel my c.u.n.t. begin to drip down my sussies at the thought of his huge c.o.c.k

He got up to leave but I walked over to him and stood right in front of him

Look we have plenty time so just stay right where you are.

I walked over and locked my dressing room door.

Have you ever fantasized about me dressed like this before?I said as I dropped to my knees in front of him.

Carol Vorderman dressed like a old whore and horny as **** just dying for a ****.
Next thing I was frantically unzipping his trousers with one hand while i slid my other under my tiny skirt
Look I'm just a pathetic old trollop and a dirty old slapper and I'm gonna suk you off so just get yer c.o.c.k. out.

Why dont you finish the rest off Mikey?

Luv

Carol

xxx

Date: Nov 6, 2007

Like my last story Geoff?
Get your arse online later and I will finish it off for you.
Dying to be a ****en old slut and a slag and a slapper tonight.
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 6, 2007

Still waiting Geoff but no show again.
pity in a real slutty mood tonight too
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 7, 2007

i dont think he can handle a whore like you carol

would you like me to come and give you a nice hard ****ing? i bet you fuken would you dirty old slag. maybe if you ask nicely ill see you tonight

luv mikey x

Date: Nov 7, 2007

Oh Please PLease PLease Mikey can I see you tonight.
You just know what a dirty old slag i'd be for you.
Are you on MSM.
Oh I hope so and i'll be such a dirty old slag just for you
Luv
C
xxx

Date: Nov 8, 2007

Oh Feoff.
I just missed you by seconds last night.
I'm so sorry.
I'll be around tonight for sure.
Luv
Carol
xxx

Date: Nov 9, 2007